Parenting Tip: The Use of Sarcasm

(From the Archives, May 2015)

by Chris McGinnis, PhD, BCBA-D

The use of sarcasm works well in two situations and poorly in a third and fourth situation. It works well when 1) you already enjoy a wonderfully close and mutually respectful relationship with the person, and 2) you don't care about how awful the relationship is and have no intentions of trying to improve it. And when I say it works well, I'm not saying it improves a bad relationship; I am saying that sarcasm tends to get the point across.

Now about that third situation. Sarcasm does not - I repeat: does not - improve a bad relationship you would like to improve. In this situation, it is unnecessarily disrespectful, adversarial, and condescending. If you tend to use sarcasm with your spouse or child during moments of strife or discipline, you are only venting inappropriately and are further damaging the relationship you would like to see improve. You need to get that under control.

Yet another relevant situation is the use of sarcasm with children (and adults) on the autism spectrum. Given near universal deficits in pragmatic language skills with this population, one must only use sarcasm in instructional moments designed to prepare them for social success "out there" where they might encounter such sarcasm. Otherwise, you risk being misunderstood at best and mistrusted and avoided at worst.

In summary, be kind and speak plainly with your loved ones unless there is little risk of being hurtful. Understand that sarcasm is at once a comedic device and harmful weapon. Know when to keep it holstered.

Dr. Chris McGinnis is a family psychologist in private practice based in Jupiter, Florida. His website is www.mcginnisbehavioral.com.